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The Carol Burnett Show Skits

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Authentic comedy sketch scripts from the CBS network series.

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Everybody Loves Opal

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Opal Kronkie, a middle-aged recluse, lives in a tumbledown mansion at the edge of the municipal dump. The general disarray of her establishment is aggravated by the fact that Opal collects things—anything that can be toted home in her little red wagon. Opal is also an optimist, for no matter how mean her lot—or her "friends" —Opal responds with unfailing kindness and an abiding faith in the goodness of human nature. Into her rather strange world comes Gloria, Bradford and Solomon, three purveyors of bogus perfume on the lam from the authorities. Opal's menage is the perfect hideout—and Opal, herself, might be the remedy for their shattered finances. They decide that what she needs is plenty of insurance, a rapid demise, and three beneficiaries named Gloria, Bradford and Solomon.

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And Then There Were None

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Ten guilty strangers are trapped on an island. One by one they are accused of murder; one by one they start to die. In this superlative mystery comedy statuettes of little soldier boys on the mantel of a house on an island off the coast of Devon fall to the floor and break one by one as those in the house succumb to a diabolical avenger. A nursery rhyme tells how each of the ten “soldiers” met his death until there were none. Eight guests who have never met each other or their apparently absent host and hostess are lured to the island and, along with the two house servants, marooned. A mysterious voice accuses each of having gotten away with murder and then one drops dead - poisoned. One down and nine to go! The excitement never lets up in this ideal play for schools, colleges, and community theatres.

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Babes in Toyland

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We'd like to wrap this musical in gold paper with spangles all over it and attach a card saying Merry Christmas! Remember the wonderful Victor Herbert music? Remember the lyrics? "Toyland, toyland, little girl and boy land." There are wonderful roles for everyone: Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary; Tom-Tom, the Piper's Son; Jack and Jill; Little Miss Muffet; Wicked Uncle Barnaby who runs the toy shop (and his comic-ruffian assistants, Roderigo and Gonzorgo) and can turn children into dolls and sell them for gold; and lovable Jane and Alan who are his next victims. The adaptation uses the original music of Victor Herbert and much of Glen MacDonough's libretto and lyrics. Multiple simple sets.

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